inyou: (infinite hearts)
2011-06-26 06:53 pm

Vanilla reactions to coming out

I wrote this as a comment to a friend's writing, but it says a lot about the relationships I've been in so decided to post it as a journal entry. Please, write your own thoughts on it!

For me, or in particular for my family, my sister was the 'groundbreaking one' who a) game out as being lesbian (after a chauvinistic guy proposed to her by saying she didn't need to finish college and could just be his wife at home) and then later go back to being dominantly lesbian but with some male 'play partners'; b) being involved in the BDSM lifestyle with some of her partners. When the 'freaky goth boy who wears makeup and listens to metal, goth and industrial music' said he was into the BDSM lifestyle, it came as no surprise, nor was I shunned for it.
About anything I have 'come out as,' I have told my mother, who inevitably has told my father, but we (my father and I) have a strange relationship where we don't talk much. We aren't at odds with each other, but unless we have something to share that is "nifty cool technology related über-geeky" stuff, we just don't really talk.
One thing that was ... interesting ... to come out about was being poly. After a decade-long relationship with my now ex-wife, which ranged from being friends on first meeting (she was girlfriends with a friend of mine from college at the time) back on New Years Eve 1999, getting together in a relationship in 2001 after my girlfriend at the time left me for another man, getting married in 2006 and then divorced back in February, our relationship went through many variations. It had times where we were exclusive/monogamous, we had an open relationship where we could have any other relationships and not worry about telling anything about them, going back to monogamous, a variety of something I call 'poly-fidelity'* that was a cross between that and partner swapping, and back to being a truly open relationship.
The hardest part I had for telling my parents, is that I had waited for so long, that I didn't want them to get the wrong idea when the longest relationship was having problems, and for them to say "oh well if you didn't have that other girl on the side then you could focus on fixing the problems." They seemed to have taken it rather well, but it was still kind of awkward for some of my family to have both partners with me at family functions like Thanksgiving or Christmas.
I think that my mother had a harder time with the fact that, in order to put all the back story behind it I emailed her about legally changing my name instead of telling her in person...
  • Poly-fidelity I like to define as basically having a relationship between two couples (or partners, etc), where you have a meaningful relationships outside of the initial, primary, etc, relationship rather than having an open relationship just be an excuse to be a swinger. In this particular case, there were friend relationships between everyone, and sexual relationships between everyone except for me and the other guy. We were both not into guys, so were perfectly happy just to hang out when the girls had their time alone.
...............What's yours?
inyou: (kanji)
2011-05-18 08:22 am

icon happiness

I am pleased with the fact that the icon upload utility recognizes transparency in the png uploads, and so have taken the time to redo some of my icons :)  this also means that I took the time to redo them properly- such as the two that are kanji (i.e. the one for this entry which is 'inyou no omoi' or inyou's thoughts, and the other one which is 'tai' for harmony).
inyou: (Default)
2011-05-18 07:42 am

Ride to the Underworld

Ride to the Underworld

2011-05-18 6:45 am


Bass thunders filling the air

As I approach the hills it stops

The clouds fall to meet me

But without any rain drops


I wonder what this could mean

So I slow my advance

And before long it seems

I’m caught up in a trance


*I’ve seen so many faces

I’ll different kinds of places*


Χάρων  (kɛərɒn) is in front of me now,

I’m following him but I’m not sure why or how


Our journey continues

Along the river of the dead

With no reason to be here

It fills me with a sense of dread


The mist is all around us

Other barges cloud my view

Χάρων holds up his hand

And in silence we continue


* The melody makes you one with your emotions

And the rhythm makes you believe in it, We speak music *


The mist clears to reveal barren hills,

Steam rising off like souls in anguish

They cry out to any who would listen,

So that we would know they languish


I am teased with a destination

That in the distance seems so far

It always stays out of sight

But is shining like a star


* Anger, aggression, the fury of all

Release the pressure, rise or fall

Don't try to be the hero, Don't try to win the race

Don't blame us for the music, We'll end up face to face*


Everything seems to come together now,

Meaning behind this trek

Sometimes we need a little guidance,

Be it from Χάρων or ShowTek


A city is in sight now,

“This journey is over” Χάρων decreed,

“I will be here again,

“when you have need”


* We are analogue players in a digital world

Think smart, play it fast, technologies don't rest

From city to city, we live at night

The grass is always greener on our side *



inyou: (Default)
2011-05-15 03:09 am

From Twitter 05-14-2011

  • 08:06:08: I hate trying to not scratch my arms. I have always had problems with bug bites being itchy, so this is like a 8" x 3" bug bite..

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inyou: (Default)
2011-05-14 03:08 am

From Twitter 05-13-2011

  • 07:28:17: Happy Friday the 13th!!

    I was greeted by my all black cat requesting to come snuggle in the morning, how about you?
  • 07:31:36: @showtekmusic There's even an app you can put on your phone to make browsing their site easier :)
  • 07:32:11: @AdrianneCurry nice waist cincher :)
  • 11:30:34: I have more money in my pocket than my bank account :-\
  • 11:57:27: @BoPeepsSheep sweet :-) I want to see!
  • 12:01:55: @LemsKitten foe seriously?
  • 20:36:51: Eoghan: "medical leave and going to war don't match, but I can totally take personal leave" :-)

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inyou: (Default)
2011-05-13 03:14 am

From Twitter 05-12-2011

  • 15:29:55: Sunny sunny day and I am stuck inside at work :-\
  • 19:09:56: Sometimes I hate being surrounded by a bunch of old people for the Union Board of Directors...

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inyou: (Default)
2011-05-12 03:08 am

From Twitter 05-11-2011

  • 21:13:17: Headed home after visiting Sig at work and having dinner with her. Time to ride and then sleep

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inyou: (Default)
2011-05-11 03:15 am

From Twitter 05-10-2011

  • 08:34:20: sipping blackberry oolong tea ^_^
  • 08:34:49: @JohnBaku they already to pay-to-play group video, so I'm not surprised
  • 20:44:23: RT @GeorgeTakei: My smoke detector goes off if I fry an egg, so I disabled it. I also pull the tags off mattresses. #LivingOnTheEdge
  • 21:59:58: The fourth one isn't as good as the first two Crow movies

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inyou: (Default)
2011-05-10 03:09 am

From Twitter 05-09-2011

  • 06:51:31: Awesome ride in only to discover no one else is here yet from IT and my access card is at home :-\
  • 07:44:20: just a hint of Brisk tea soda in my coffee cup from last week makes for a good combination with green tea :)
  • 07:44:45: @jesshartley I <3 Fluxx. Also good is Gloom!
  • 11:02:14: RT @c_tyger: NSA best practices for keeping your home network secure (PDF file in link)

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inyou: (Default)
2011-05-09 03:05 am

From Twitter 05-08-2011

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inyou: (Default)
2011-05-08 03:05 am

From Twitter 05-07-2011

  • 09:27:19: "Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." -- Michael Shermer
  • 18:20:20: Apparently 6:15 is too early... I thought we technically were in the room at 6 but I guess not?

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inyou: (Default)
2011-05-07 03:06 am

From Twitter 05-06-2011

  • 10:44:56: Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote. -- Benjamin Franklin
  • 10:53:52: RT @evildorina: #CincoDeMayo RT @netProph3t: @evildorina We, well I, celebrate it not as a Mexican victory but as a defeat of the French.
  • 10:54:33: RT @Kambrieldesign: Lovely! RT@bethshepsut Air Force Academy opens outdoor chapel for Wiccans, Druids, Earth-centered worship groups: ht ...
  • 14:57:26: "If you don't go when you want to go, you'll find that when you do go, you'll have gone." -- Burt in "World's Fastest Indian"
  • 14:57:45: @MurrRazz Sugar's got a slightly different taste than blood....

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inyou: (pic#)
2011-04-24 08:56 am

(no subject)

happy zombie Jesus day :)